Choosing a health care proxy…

Is a loved one your best voice when you’ve lost yours? 

Maybe, maybe not. It’s worth some thought.

Jack and Lily were excited about retirement plans to travel the world! But a devastating ALS diagnosis changed everything. New plans included drawing up Jack’s living will with his wishes and directions for medical care.  Jack named Lily as his trusted “proxy” – tasked with making sure his instructions would be honored when he could no longer speak for himself.
 
After 3 years of suffering, Jack’s heart gave up in an ER. Per Jack's living will, CPR was not performed. Overcome with grief, Lily stood on a chair and screamed out, over and over, “I’m not ready! Save him!” The medical team and nearby patients were traumatized, too. 

Resuscitated, Jack lived a few more months and passed when Lily was ready.  

It’s natural to name a close loved one as your health care proxy but that closeness can be a hardship.

Some questions you may want to ask yourself when you consider any potential proxy:

• Are they empathetic? Can they replace their own thoughts and feelings with mine?

• Would they be emotionally fragile if I am seriously ill?

• Do they trust my judgement on health care matters?

• Do they trust medicine, science facts, doctors?

• Would they be emotionally scarred by having to carry out my wishes?

• Can they manage the health care system with confidence?

• What kind of experience do they have as a proxy for others? 

More food for thought.
You may want to consider naming two compatible proxies. They can support one another, and one would be available for you, even if the other is not.
You may also want to consider naming a professional health care proxy – a patient advocate, nurse or doctor. 

This is a lot to absorb, isn’t it?  I realize this topic may result in tough family conversations, or you may choose to handle your living will decisions very privately.

Whatever path you choose, covering all aspects to make mindful choices is one way I support clients. Call on me anytime if you’d like that kind of support, too.